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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28489347">Time Cut Short</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healthyeyes/pseuds/Healthyeyes'>Healthyeyes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Time Cut Short [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Complete, Doomed Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Garrus Vakarian is a Good Friend, Grief/Mourning, Light Dom/sub, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Pining, Sad, Sad Ending, follows canon but also doesnt, no touching kink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:33:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28489347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healthyeyes/pseuds/Healthyeyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of ME3 and Shepard x Thane romance with added interactions, thoughts and feelings. Completed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thane Krios &amp; Female Shepard, Thane Krios &amp; Shepard, Thane Krios/Female Shepard, Thane Krios/Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Time Cut Short [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please make sure to check out part 1 to this! It sets up a lot of their relationship prior to the events of ME3.</p><p>also btw I'm totally raw doggin' with posting this, what's an editor lol i wrote this for fun, so enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard couldn’t sleep, which wasn’t a new thing in itself, but the bed she was attempting to sleep in was quite different from the one had had been used to back on Earth. The Normandy was familiar, of course, if updated quite a bit, but for the last 6 months she had been sleeping on a hard military-issue bed in her small quarters. House arrest had been boring as shit, Shepard thought, but she had preferred it to seeing what had happened to her home world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard couldn’t get the sight of Earth, being invaded by Reapers, out of her mind. The screams of people over the radio, the sound of buildings crumbling around them and the boom of the Reapers beams echoed in her brain, keeping her awake at night, staring at the ceiling of the Normandy in her room. She thought of the little boy she’d seen, whose escape shuttle had been ripped in half by those red beams, and the guilt ate at her. Between the waking memories, the too-soft bed, and the nightmares, Shepard’s sleep was down to next to nothing, lately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was thankful then, when her computer gave a small ‘ping!’ from across the room. A new message meant an excuse to get out of bed, to shake her restless legs and mind. She pulled herself up, flinging off the blankets and padding bare foot to her desk across her room, seating herself in the large leather chair before bringing up her email. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this address valid?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Siha, </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve called and I’ve sent messages, but gotten no response. With Earth’s comm system out, I don’t expect this will get through either, but I heard a rumour the Normandy docked here at the Citadel. A mutual friend of ours reached out through old channels and managed to slip this address. I can scarcely hope that this will find you, after Earth...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you alive? I’m at Huerta Memorial Hospital under the name Tannor Nuara. Please excuse the moniker and this email’s encryption--in my line of work, it is unwise to advertise my location, particularly when I am not in good health. It is ironic, I never thought to be the one to outlive us.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you are alive, we should meet before circumstances force us apart again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thane</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard had to read the message over several times. Her heart was gripped in her chest like a vice, and she could barely breathe, seeing the name at the bottom of the email. Being allowed to communicate again with the outside world had Shepard sending out Liara’s Shadow Broker information nets to see if they could find any of their old contacts, but she scarcely believed that they would be able to find </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>--he was always so careful. Her heart ached as she read it again, wanting to reply right away, but hesitating. She felt nervous. Her hands hovered over the keyboard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew it was silly to feel like that, but she did. How could he not be angry with her, for leaving him in his time of need? For attending to duty over love? They had left on good terms, but with the understanding that it was likely the last they would see of one another...But he wanted to see her again, wanted to know she was alive. It gave her hope that perhaps all was not lost between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She leaned back in her chair, staring at the computer screen, touching her lips as she thought of Thane, of his condition, of her mission ahead. Could she afford the time on the Citadel? Every moment they spent was another moment her home planet was being decimated. She did need to talk to the council, to try and convince them of the need for reinforcements for Earth, and Kaiden was recovering at Huerta after their encounter with Cerberus...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edi.” Shepard said aloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, commander.” Her disembodied voice sounded over her room’s speakers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell Joker to take us to the Citadel. And arrange transportation for me to Huerta Memorial Hospital.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>nsfw ahead!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard was nervous for several reasons. The first was, of course, that she had not seen Thane in months, having put him to rest in her mind when she’d gone into house arrest. The second was, was that she had no idea what sort of condition he would be in when she arrived. She also didn’t know if he’d be angry or upset or happy at seeing her. Shepard willed the thoughts to leave her alone; There were too many unknowns to make Shepard even close to being comfortable as she rode in the elevator up to the hospital alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard intended to put duty to rest first at the hospital--delivering a bottle of whiskey to Kaiden who was still healing from his wounds sustained from the Cerberus AI that had attacked them at the archives. She had also heard a rumor that Chakwas was around the Citadel, and hoped she could find her at the Hospital. It was the best bet; where it was bloodiest, Chakwas followed faithfully, always a healer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stepping off the elevator, she could see that it was busy, plenty of refugees waiting in the main area. Navigating the crowds and families huddled in groups, she found Kaiden first, dropping off the bottle and checking in on him. The AI had done a number on him, but he was healing well, according to him, and he looked better sitting up now in his bed than he had when they’d evac’d him out of there. His black eye was nearly healed, and the bruising on his neck was turning a different colour, beginning to heal, which she’d been pleased to see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After being reassured of his condition, she left Kaiden to find Chakwas. Kaiden said he’d seen her recently--Chakwas had come just for him, which he’d remarked on smartly of course. Shepard had teased him that they’d have a thing going between them before long. She eventually found Chakwas talking to another doctor, giving instructions as she approached. It hadn’t taken much to convince Chakwas to come back on board the Normandy as her chief medical officer; Chakwas knew that helping Shepard would be the most satisfying, as it always was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard had looked for Thane, but hadn’t managed to find him throughout the hospital. A nurse had mentioned, when she’d given them his fake name, that he’d checked out for the afternoon to see his son, and Shepard’s disappointment grew; She had missed him. She’d had a small window of opportunity while the Normandy was docked to visit, and she hadn’t been able to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she dragged herself through the crowds of the hospital’s receiving area, disappointment showing in her slumped shoulders and frown, she looked to her right by chance, noticing the simulated sunlight that poured through the large floor-to-ceiling windows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was there, looking out the window, his hands folded behind his back as he did. She would recognize his form anywhere, strong back and wide shoulders hidden beneath his leather jacket. He looked so calm, so normal, that Shepard almost didn’t want to disturb him. Her fear gripped her again; Would he be mad? Would he be disappointed?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stiffened as she saw him move his head a bit to the left, then a bit more, glancing over his shoulder. She noticed his nose twitch, and she couldn’t help but smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had smelled her before she’d announced her presence. Even over the smell of sanitizers and blood that lingered in the hospital, her perfume was unmistakable, wisteria and cedar, and it drew his attention from the window that he had been enjoying the view from. Looking over his shoulder, then turning, he could see Shepard, smiling at him, between the crowds of people. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was the first to move, and he stayed where he stood, but opened his arms to her. She found him and they embraced for the first time in far too long without a word; Shepard was warm as always, Thane noticed, and her hair was soft but tied up in her tight bun. Thane was still strong, Shepard noticed as his arms folded around her, holding her close. She breathed in the smell of his leather jacket, and he placed a kiss in her hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Siha, I heard Earth was attacked. I didn’t know if you’d made it out…” He whispered, releasing her from his embrace and holding her hands. She looked up at him, tightening her grip on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thane, I was beginning to think i’d never see you again…” Shepard said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I sent a few messages while you were incarcerated, but I suppose they never got past the guards,” Thane said, a displeased frown on his face. “What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Visiting Kaiden, although I received your recent email as well. Nearly spat my coffee at my computer when I saw it was from you.” She admitted, laughing a bit to herself. She had been so worried about seeing him again, and what for? She felt a fool to herself quietly, hiding her embarrassment as he looked her over. She looked healthy, he thought, strong, her posture straight and her eyes bright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The human biotic in intensive care, I know of him. I saw the marks of an implant.” Thane said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s him.” Shepard nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have spoken. He seems an honorable sort. Your enemies may try to finish him off here. I will look out for him.” He reassured, shifting from one foot to the other. She knew the hospital would make him restless--Thane had always been one to move with purpose through life, the little time she’d known him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate it, Thane.” Shepard smiled, brushing her hand against his arm. He took her hand in his, turning it over as he spoke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am near the end of my life. It is a good time to be generous…” He said. “I have only a few loves left, and you are my last, Siha. Let me do what I can to ease your burden-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was going to say more, but Shepard couldn’t wait any longer. She closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his, not minding the people around them in the busy waiting area. It had been so many months, wondering if she would even get to say goodbye to him, and now he was here, he was alive, he was wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she pulled away, she didn’t leave his arms, staring at his green eyes, hidden behind the film of black. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well...I see you want to make up for lost time.” He said with a smirk. His expression softened then, looking at her lips as he spoke, his tone more serious. “I should warn you as well that you may...not want your final memories of me to be in this hospital. Kepral’s Syndrome is...not kind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get out of here, then. Anderson has generously donated the use of his apartment while I’m here.” Shepard said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d like that.” Thane said as they walked hand in hand to the elevator. “You should understand however that my cardiovascular system was not what it once wa-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before the doors had even closed, Shepard was kissing him, her body pressing against his. He braced himself against the hand rail as he kissed her back, his tongue running along her bottom lip as his hands ran down her back. She only parted for a moment from his kiss, pressing her forehead against his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were saying?” She chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I missed you, Shepard.” He whispered, kissing her lightly before the elevator dinged. It announced they’d arrived at the Sunset Strip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on then. You may not have the best cardio anymore, but I do.” Shepard said, squeezing his hand as she led him to the tower where Anderson’s apartment was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remind me to thank the Captain.” Thane said with a laugh, following her into yet another elevator. It went to one of the top floor suites, and opened to her hallway. Thane let Shepard walk first, if not just to admire the shape of her legs as she moved. She opened the apartment door with a pass code, and they stepped in together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard wasted no time, the door sliding closed behind them. Thane barely got a chance to take in his surroundings before his world became Shepard, consumed by her kiss, her body curving to the shape of his. He smiled into her kiss, hands on her hips as he pushed her jacket off her shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It fell to the ground as she did the same to his, both of them kicking off their boots, stumbling over one another. Shepard </span>
  <em>
    <span>giggled</span>
  </em>
  <span>, something she had not done in so long. For the first time in months, Shepard felt truly happy, safe in Thane’s arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thane felt all of those juvenile, real emotions that Shepard always brought with her; Joy, desire, impatience, giddyness. It was always exhilarating being around Shepard, in one way or another, be it on a mission facing near-certain doom, or in her arms, Thane reveled in the small freedom the world had given him in her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they took off their shoes, Thane was able to take the space in. A living room and fireplace on their left, kitchen and another bedroom on the right, and stairs to a loft above. Shepard pulled at his hand, leading him to the stairs and he kissed her again, unable to resist her closeness. She stumbled a bit on the stairs, but laughed, pulling at his hand again. He chuckled and followed willingly, letting her lead him to the bedroom at the back of the loft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pushed gently at Thane as they reached the end of the bed, and he sat beneath her guiding hands. She bent over, but kept her body out of his reach, speaking into his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me take care of you, Thane.” She whispered before she kissed him, closing her eyes sweetly. He kissed her back, reaching out until she pulled away. She smiled mischievously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look. Don’t touch. Not yet.” Shepard said seductively, standing a few feet from him. Thane took a breath in, watching Shepard with sharp eyes as she far too slowly began to unzipper her sweater she’d worn under her jacket. Thane watched her hands glide over the soft skin of her neck, trailing down her chest to reveal the thin black undershirt she wore beneath, the curve of her breasts apparent in the scooped neck of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you miss me?” She asked as the sweater fell on the ground. Her hands moved over her breasts purposefully slow, and he imagined what she would feel like beneath his fingers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More than you could know.” He breathed, watching as her fingers moved to her neck, then to her hair. She let it down from it’s tight bun, and it flowed over her shoulders, black cascading curls that had grown out since he’d last seen her. The scent of her perfume hit him with fondness again, and he sighed as her hands moved to her pants. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, but it took all he had to resist leaping from the bed to pull her into his arms as she pushed them off, pants sliding down smooth silky legs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watched him as she took them off, and she could see the hunger there, the wanting in his eyes that were ferocious with need. She turned for him, showing off her ass in the small pair of black underwear she wore, and she smiled at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“May I yet, Siha?” He asked, his hands patiently glued to his thighs, and she could see the tension at his waiting, looming in his shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not yet.” She teased. She removed her undershirt and let it drop to the ground before closing the distance between them. His hands reached out to her, but she took them gently, moving her hands down his arms to remove his shirt before she straddled him on the edge of the bed, directing his hands to his sides. Her fingers moved over his chest and collarbone, then along his red frills on his neck, smoothing his skin. All the while, he stared at her lips, noticing the way they curled at the edges, the small dip of her cupids bow, and craved for her touch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her lips finally, mercifully, found his, and Thane groaned at the touch of her. Her lips were soft and warm, so pleasant against his that he forgot himself, his hands reaching out to stroke her back, but she put him in his place again, snapping his hands to the bed in a quick movement. He had forgotten how well matched they were in terms of strength--she could likely overtake him now a days though, quite easily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did I say ‘yet’?” She questioned, breaking off from their kiss, still straddling him. Her green-eyed gaze was playful, looking at him confidently.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...No.” He frowned, knowing she was teasing him so relentlessly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No touching.” She whispered again against his lips, grinding her hips against him. She could feel his erection through his pants and her underwear, twitching as she let her hands smooth over his chest. She could feel the scars there that had formed on his green and black skin over the years from his work, and she mapped them out like stars beneath dancing fingers. He could feel her callus’ from her guns on her fingertips as she touched him, and he sighed, having longed for any of her touch for so long. Memories, even a Drells, could only simulate so much. It was torture and heaven all at once, having her lips move over his sensitive frills on his neck, her tongue dragging over his skin as she tasted him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard…” He growled her name lowly, the reverberations sounding in his chest, and he heard Shepard giggle again as he bucked his hips against her warm form straddling him, needing more pressure, more </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to relieve the need he felt in his gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he moved his hips though, Shepard seemed to have expected it, and she pressed hard against his shoulders, sending him lying backwards on the bed. She got off his lap, and he sighed. He would have protested, but her hands were on his thighs, and she was kneeling between his legs that hung off the bed still. He made to sit up, but her hand pressed on his chest as she kissed his abdomen, dragging her tongue over his hip bones, and he did his best to control his breathing as the sensations made his heart soar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me if it’s too much. And no touching yet.” Shepard said, noticing his breath hitching at her touch. He nodded, and she noticed him grip the bedsheets as she pulled his pants off, discarding them, revealing his erection. Her hands were slow still, moving over his bare thighs, tracing the black markings there before moving to his cock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thane’s breath hitched, but he relaxed into the feeling as Shepard’s lips kissed at the head of his dick, leaving a trail of wet saliva along the shaft as she moved. When her tongue flicked out to run along it, he shuddered, sighing, leaning his head back and closing his eyes at the sensation. She licked him from base to head, alternating between kisses as her fingers brushed against the red frills on his cock. She watched him, his chest moving steadily, before she let her mouth envelop him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mouth was wet and warm, and Thane’s curses danced on his lips as she worked on him. Her hands rubbed his thighs, grabbed his ass, brushed over his abdomen...she took in every bit of him she could get at, making sure he knew that he was her world in that moment. Thane remembered his rules though, and gripped the bed, not daring to touch his Siha as her hands were like a symphony on his skin, driving him closer to the edge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She seemed to notice though, and had other plans in mind. Her lips left him, but he didn’t protest as she rose to her feet, urging him up on the bed so his feet were solid on it. She climbed atop him, straddling him again, kissing him, but just as his hand was about to brush against her thigh, she pinned it above his head against the headboard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes snapped open as he looked at her, surprised but pleased when she took his other hand, pinning it as well under one strong hand, spread over his wrists. She was strong, surprisingly so, and Thane felt a rush of exhilaration. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Siha,” He breathed as she pushed her black panties aside, adjusting herself to tease him with her wetness. “Please, let me touch you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Not yet.” She said, the head of his cock gliding over her sensitive clit. She sighed, finding his lips again as she positioned him at her entrance before she lowered herself on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thane’s self-control was nearly lost at the sensation of her tightness around him, but he balled up the bedsheets in his hands, gripping tightly as Shepard began to move at a quick pace, moaning his name. She had missed him, all of him, and it was easy to see in her face as she rode him, her hands still pinning his as she fucked him, slowing down again and taking her time and grinding against him. She let herself feel all of him, and Thane admired how her dark hair bounced with her breasts as she moved her hips, and her green eyes locked with his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck...Thane...Touch me.” She said at last, freeing his hands from her grasp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was all the permission he needed. In a moment, he had rolled her over on the large bed, her beneath him, trusting into her wetness again as he grabbed at her ass to pull her closer. His hands were needy, moving over her body, feeling every inch of her that he’d been denied, gripping her breasts and his fingers gliding over her thighs. She leaned into his touch as he moved against her, supporting himself over her as they made love. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he hugged her closer, nipping at her neck as he could feel her clench around him again, a wave of pleasure flowing over her as her hands gripped his back, trailing nails down his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been too long, and Shepard couldn’t stand it any longer. She came on Thane’s cock, moaning his name into the empty apartment, sighing into his kisses against her neck. She could feel him come with her, unloading his seed in her as his lips found hers, the two of them locked in a lovers embrace as they rode out their waves of pleasure. Thane rested against her, letting his weight press against her as they both caught their breath, wordless. Thane’s hands played with her hair while hers brushed down his neck and back, feeling each muscle there as her breathing eventually evened out to match his. They were comfortably quiet for a time as Thane shifted to lie beside her in the soft bed, hand draped over her bare waist as her fingers glided over his forearm in a hypnotic way, back and forth in a rhythm that would put him to sleep if he let it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to lose a moment with Shepard though. He shifted, kissing her shoulder as she spoke up finally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” She asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thane looked at her, puzzled, before realizing she was worried about his condition. He smiled though, brushing her dark hair from her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Siha. Your...attentions, earlier, made things easier on my breathing.” He said, leaning in to kiss her lightly. “It was also very appreciated.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She laughed into his kiss, her lips curling in a smile, and she could feel his do this same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are very welcome. I missed you, Thane.” She said, resting her head on the white pillow. Thane played with her hair between his fingers, studying the way it flowed gently through them as his other hand traced the curve of her hips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“May I stay the night with you, Siha?” He asked gently, his fingers dancing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So long as the nurses don’t kill me. They seemed pretty serious looking.” Shepard teased. Thane smiled, placing a kiss on her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So long as I am back for the mornings treatments, it is not an issue,” He said as he placed another kiss on her neck, then another. “Besides, I have other low cardio activities in mind that I think would be suitable for the rest of our evening.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard chuckled, reaching back to let her fingers brush the back of his head as his kisses reached her ear. His breath tickled her skin, sending a shiver up her spine that made her push her hips back, her ass pressing against Thane’s groin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose I won’t kick you out then.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Seeing the state of Palavan from her moon had been terrifyingly familiar to her, and it was what made her unable to sleep that night, memories replaying of Earth and Palavan, their burning surfaces over thousands of miles. Husks haunted her, and a shadow had made her jump more than once recently, making attempts at relaxing such as sleep nearly impossible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A gentle chime from her computer made her drag herself to her feet. How many nights had she done the same? Lay down, only to get back up an hour later to work more. It was a vicious cycle that had begun to eat away at her, exhausting her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Siha, </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I have heard news of Palavan. I am sure you have already came and went by time news has reached me, but I know Garrus is one of your dear friends. I was sorry to hear of his home world. I pray to Amonkira that you are still alive. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I think of you often, Siha. You had to go so quickly after our night together, that I felt lost afterwards. I do not blame you of course, I merely wish we had gotten more time together. Kaiden has been a great source of stories of your earlier missions, before I knew you, even if he does share them somewhat hesitantly; He seems to guard even the memory of you quite dearly. It is good to know you will have such good companions once I am gone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Visit me again if you can. Saving the galaxy obviously takes priority, but if I could have one wish granted before I go, it would be to hold your hand at the end of it all, Siha.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yours,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thane</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard sighed, pushing away from her desk and rubbing her eyes with her hand in a tired motion. She had had to leave so quickly after their night together, a mission on Sur’Kesh to save a Krogan who could apparently cure the genophage was top priority. She could remember that morning, reading her omni-tool notifications while in bed, Thane lying next to her, playing with her hair between gentle fingers. God, how she had wanted to just stay there, ignoring the notifications and her duties, in bed with her lover in a sort of domestic bliss that was only a fleeting dream for them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The notification had been marked priority from Joker, meaning, ‘get your ass back to the ship’, or so he’d said before. She had sighed, turned off her omni-tool and rolled over in the large bed, hugging Thane. His cool hands were pleasant against her too-warm back, running down her spine while his lips found hers. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Duty calls, Shepard.” He said. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck duty.” Shepard said, mumbling into his kisses. He chuckled, and Shepard could feel the rumble in his chest from it beneath her fingers. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come, Siha. I’ll make you coffee while you shower.” He said, giving her one last peck on the lips before slipping from her arms and out of bed. Shepard groaned in protest, but followed him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now, sitting aboard the Normandy in her quarters alone, staring at the too-large bed for just her, Shepard felt the emptiness of duty consuming her. Shepard was married to her job, everyone knew that, herself included, but what Shepard wanted, truly, was so far from this, from the Normandy...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard tucked into her computer, typing a reply to Thane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thane, </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am alive. I miss you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We are heading into a big mission for the Krogan. I don’t know exactly what kind of mess we’re walking into, as usual, but i’m sure you’ll hear of it soon enough. Wish us luck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will visit the Citadel again as soon as I can. The council was not too amenable to my suggestions of extra defenses, but there are others who wish to help there. I will see you soon. Write me. Please.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shepard</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard stared at her message, reading it over. It felt so inadequate for all that she wanted to tell him. But as she re-read his again, Shepard couldn’t bring herself to think about his last wish; For her to be there with him at the end of his life, to hold his hand and watch him disappear across the sea. She wished the thought from her mind as it only brought a longing that she had to compartmentalize for the sake of her mission. What if she couldn’t make it in time? What if she couldn’t be with him at the end? Would he die alone, broken, in a hospital bed? She knew the guilt would eat her alive, and the what-if’s in her mind played on repeat as she desperately tried to focus on other work, now that she was awake anyways. Edi paged her over her intercom, breaking through her thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Commander.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Edi?” She asked, hoping that Edi would have something, anything, to distract her from thoughts of Thane dying while she was not there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are wanted on the bridge. Joker would like to speak with you about arriving on Sur’Kesh. He said if you were resting to not bother you, however.” Her disembodied voice said. Shepard swore she could even hear a hint of concern from Edi, for just a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell him i’m on my way.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard turned over in her bed, her arm reaching out to where Thane used to sleep beside her. Shepard frowned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned over in her bed with a huff, adjusting her blankets and pillow before settling back down. Shepard sighed and dropped her shoulders, willing herself to relax as she closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard’s mind continued to wander, however, as she attempted to sleep. She couldn’t stop thinking of Thane tonight. She’d think, after curing the genophage with Wrex and Grunt, her mind would be more occupied with what had just happened, but all she could focus on was how large and empty her bed was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She missed Thane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shepard let her hand slide over Thane’s bare chest, feeling the scales of his skin, smooth beneath her fingers. His breathing was steady beneath her hand, and his eyes were closed, his mouth open just slightly. Asleep.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shepard smiled, scooting closer to him. Thane lifted an eyelid, waking to the feeling of Shepard moving next to him. He smiled gently at Shepard who placed a kiss on his cheek. He wrapped a strong arm around her, pulling her closer beneath the sheets, his hand finding the small of her back and stroking the delicate skin there. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good morning.” He hummed as she hooked one leg over his, and he drew circles on the bare skin of her back. Her hands brushed against his forearm, tracing the muscles beneath his green and black skin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Morning.” She said, kissing his neck. He sighed at the sensation.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t start.” He warned, smirking at her as her hands moved over his chest. He moved so he could kiss her lips, distracting her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hmm...not sure what you mean.” Shepard mumbled as she continued to kiss him, deepening it and biting his bottom lip. He hissed and she chuckled until she felt a firm grip on her waist, and she was suddenly pinned beneath Thane, his form hovering over hers. She looked up at him with a coy expression. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shepard, we have far too much to do today.” He said, but she could see the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m pretty sure I’m the captain and I can do what I want.” Shepard said. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is that an order?” Thane hummed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It is now.” She said as she pressed her lips to his. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard turned over in her bed again, hugging her pillow to her chest. It seemed that drell were not the only species to get lost in the memories of another, she thought bitterly to herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Desperate, lonely, and feeling lost amidst her thoughts, Shepard moved again in bed, giving up and staring at the stars that shone above her, through her ceiling viewing window, willing her heart to quiet enough to sleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Shepard?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thane?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice coming over the radio was a bit distorted, their signals being blocked, but Edi was doing her best to override the efforts of whoever was attacking the Citadel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard. Good timing. The citadel is being attacked by Cerberus, and they’ve overtaken C-Sec headquarters. They’re going after the councilors.” He said. Shepard gripped Joker’s seat with white knuckles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thane, where are you? Are you safe?” She asked, a knot of worry in her stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m holed up in a shop front in the Commons. I’m fine. But if we want any chance of getting control of the Citadel back, we need to take back C-Sec.” He said. She could sense the grim tone in his voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright. We’re coming in. Hang tight.” Shepard said. “Joker, bring us in. Edi, prepare the guns for incoming Cerberus ships.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye aye, Commander.” both Joker and Edi said at the same time. Shepard turned heel, alerting Cortez to get her shuttle ready, just in case, via her omni-tool, and messaging Garrus and James. She needed her firepower, today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, what’s going on?” Garrus replied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sup, Commander?” James chimed in. Shepard, striding towards the elevator, heading to the armoury, spoke to them with a fire in her voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Boys, gear up, we leave in five.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard aimed her pistol at Kai Leng, just a few feet away from her, pointing a charged biotic hand at the Salarian councillor. She shifted from foot to foot, not taking her eyes off of him as the tension between them grew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus and James joined behind her, the red target dots of Garrus and James’ rifles pointed squarely at his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s three on one, pal. It’s over.” Shepard said, glaring at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No...no, it’s fun.” Kai Leng said with a smirk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as Shepard’s finger went to pull the trigger, she hesitated, seeing a green flash appear beside Kai Leng, pointing a pistol squarely at his head. It was Thane, and her heart clenched in her chest at the sight of him. Kai Leng was quick though, and he slapped slapped the rifle away as he ducked, the councillor being pushed forwards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them turned to a sparring match, weapons forgotten for the moment as their blows landed with precision in close contact, or were deflected with a rhythm that Shepard had trouble keeping up with. Garrus and James were quick, grabbing the councillor and taking them to safety behind some storage boxes as Shepard followed the fight between Kai Leng and Thane with her pistol, trying to get a clean shot on him. They were too quick though, and it seemed like forever until there was a sudden stillness between the two fighters. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard could feel the air leave her lungs as she saw the blade sticking out of Thane’s back, through his leather jacket. Shepard’s eyes connected with Kai Leng, who smiled over Thane’s shoulder at her in a way that chilled her. Thane’s blood began to pool instantly on his jacket, and Shepard could feel the scream leave her throat, incomprehensible, anguished and filled with rage as Kai Leng jumped a set of chairs, then leaped over a glass balcony to the stairs leaving out of the Commons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard, blinded by rage, followed him, running down the stairs to catch up with him as he booked it to the edge of a docking bay. When he jumped though, Shepard stumbled at the edge as a shuttle flew up, Kai Leng on top of it, balancing himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard took aim and fired as the shuttle, and Kai Leng, flew off from her. Shots echoed behind her as well, aiming at the ship’s engines, but they were too far away now to be shot with the pistol she carried. She looked over her shoulder, expecting to see Garrus or James, but it was Thane who was shooting with her, aiming at Kai Leng with one hand, the other holding himself together at his gut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She holstered her gun and went to him, her hands finding his wound as he collapsed onto the ground, his breathing ragged. She applied pressure immediately, staring at his wound with  pursed lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How bad is it?” Shepard asked, grimacing at the blood that stained her hands as she tried to stop his bleeding. She was no doctor, but she knew battle wounds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have time. Go. Catch him, Shepard.” He said, his voice uneven as he looked at her, coughing a bit as he grimaced at the pain. Shepard shook her head, staring into his dark eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving you.” She said, determination in her green eyes, searching his face for permission to stay. She was desperate, she needed him. She couldn’t do all this alone, and they had been promised so much more time, cut short by a blade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard. Go. This could be your only chance.” Thane whispered, touching her face gently with his blood-stained hand. She leaned into him, closing her eyes for a moment, touching her forehead to his. He closed his eyes, and they stayed there a moment, breathing each other in, taking a moment amidst the chaos and blood for themselves. It was greedy, Shepard thought, but civilization owed her this, just this </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing. Just one moment with him, one more second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard slipped away from him in one swift movement, ripping the moment off like a band-aid, turning away from him so she couldn’t see his broken form. She used her omni tool to hail for a medical evacuation for Thane as she walked away from him, her heart breaking and hardening to her duty, thinking only of the pain she would inflict on Kai Leng when she caught him. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw death below</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The fact that Kai Leng had gotten away only soured the taste in her mouth as she made her way to Huerta Memorial Hospital. She jogged to the elevator, not wanting to waste a moment, her chest feeling like it was squeezing tight with anxiety over what she would find at the hospital. She had been warned that it wasn’t good, both from Kolyat by message, and from Chakwas, who had overseen his medical extraction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus had insisted on walking with her, and he was a quiet, looming figure behind her, glaring at anyone who dared even </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about stopping the Commander for a chat. He didn’t speak, and for that, Shepard was grateful. She couldn’t voice her anger, her rage, her grief, lest it would all overwhelm her. She just stood with clenched fists as they boarded the elevator. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They arrived and the doors to the hospital swung open, revealing a busy room, people chatting with nurses, concerned families huddled in groups, people lying on stretchers...the attack on the Citadel had overwhelmed them all, and staff rushed about, seeming to do the best they could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard was overwhelmed by the commotion of it, just looking for Thane or Kolyat amongst the crowd. It was Garrus though who stepped up, speaking to a triage nurse that was posted nearby to receive incomers, then put a reassuring hand on her back, pressing her forward and weaving her through the crowd, towering over many of them and leading her to the emergency area. The people all seemed to go by in a blurr for her. She couldn’t see their faces anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wait out here. He’s just down the hall, Shepard.” Garrus said, urging her on and pointing down the hallway. She nodded, and walked slower now, terror gripping her. She wasn’t even sure if she said thank you to Garrus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A doctor found her, wandering in the emergency area, looking for Thane’s name listed on any of the room display names. After explaining who she was looking for, she was warned grimly of what she was about to encounter, and Shepard seemed to lose any train of thought as to what the doctor was saying halfway through it. She just nodded, then turned to the room, taking a breath before entering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thane was propped up on the inclined bed so he could sit up, watching the light outside of the large window that overlooked the Citadel Commons, greenery and shrubs set against a fake sky and sunlight. He looked peaceful, his eyes barely open, his breathing shallow and hoarse, a rattling to his chest that Shepard could hear even from across the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Commander Shepard. My father mentioned you were no longer incarcerated. I don’t know if you remember me, I’m Kolyat Krios. I came to donate blood and...well…” Kolyat hesitated, looking over to his father. “He asked me to take off his oxygen mask so he could be...comfortable. I don’t think it will be very long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard could see the pain in Kolyat as he barely whispered the words, and she understood why. He had barely gotten to know his father, both of them having just mended their relationship. They had so much to learn, still, and yet it had been snatched away by Kai Leng. Shepard clenched her fist, her knuckles white and her nails pressing into the skin of her palm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kolyat...i’m so sorry. Your father has saved a lot of lives...I’d like to be here, if that’s alright.” Shepard said, her gaze shifting to Thane. He was still looking out the window, seeming unable to hear their hushed conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Please...take your time. I know you mean a lot to him.” Kolyat offered, bowing his head before he shuffled to the far corner of the room, giving them a bit of privacy while still staying close by. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard looked at Thane, and she could feel her soul breaking at the sight of him; he looked exhausted, dark rings beneath his eyes, and he moved so slowly, so unlike him. He hadn’t noticed her yet, until she took a few more steps closer, and she noticed his nose twitch. He smelled her, and it made her smile as he turned to look at her, his expression soft, his smile welcoming as he held a hand out to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My Siha.” He said. She took his hand in hers, stroking the back of his hand, feeling his knuckles and placing a kiss on them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thane.” Shepard said, feeling tears welling in her eyes already. Her chest felt tight, and his name caught in her throat, as if she said it, he would disappear right before her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I won’t be joining you again.” Thane chuckled. It made him cough a bit, and Shepard could only wait for it to pass, grimacing at the horrible sounds of him trying to get a breath in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. But you’ve done more than enough. You deserve to rest.” Shepard said, sitting on his bedside, letting her hand run over his cheek. He leaned into her hand, closing his eyes, enjoying the soft warmth of her, breathing in the scent of cedar wood and wisteria. He willed his soul to stay with her, for just a few more moments, even though he could already feel himself slipping away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is something I must do...before it gets worse, now that you are here, my love.” He said. He began his prayer, but was interrupted by another round of coughing, the horrible shaking and gasping was making Shepard’s heart break. She took Thane’s hand and held it, fulfilling her promise to him as Kolyat stepped in, taking over for him without missing a beat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit…” he said, pausing to look at his Father who was smiling up at his son. Shepard smiled too, never seeing Thane as proud as he did in that moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kolyat...you speak as the priests do. You have been spending time with them.” Thane said, the happiness and pride in his voice unmistakable. Kolyat smiled at him, giving him a small nod, before producing a book and carrying on, inviting Shepard to join him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kalahira, this one's heart is pure but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thane’s hand began to loosen in her hand. She could feel him slipping, and she gripped that much tighter to him as she struggled to finish the prayer with Kolyat, her voice shaky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She spoke the written words aloud with Kolyat in turn, and when they had finished, she no longer felt the light squeeze of Thane’s hand. She set his hand gently on the bed, and leaned over, feeling for any breath from him, but finding none. Shepard stepped back as Kolyat closed his book. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kolyat...why did the last verse say ‘she’?” Shepard asked, feeling numb, looking at Thane’s body. She could feel he was gone, no longer inhabiting the form that lie in front of them, and with him went any semblance of feeling she had left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The prayer was not for him, Commander. He has already asked for forgiveness for the lives he has taken. His wish...was for you.” Kolyat replied. Shepard could feel his eyes on her, but she was staring at Thane’s body, scarcely believing that her lover was gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard felt her heart break all over again as she stood there quietly. Her mind raced with memories between them, but his prayer before death stuck in her mind. The fact that on </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> deathbed, he would pray for </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, made her want to scream in anguish, feeling the hollowness in her heart that had been left behind by Thane. Instead, she stepped forward, leaning down to him and pressing a kiss to his head, her hands shaking as she placed them on his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye Thane. I’ll meet you across the sea.” She whispered, willing the ocean to take her as soon as possible. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard could remember floating out of the hospital, not paying attention to Garrus’ words as she walked by him, but beyond that, her recollection of events as they unfolded was poor, too wrapped up in her own thoughts of loss. He followed, and his voice finally reached her when they entered the empty elevator together. He selected the button for the docking bays, heading to the Normandy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Shepard? Are you...alright?” He asked, hesitant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” Shepard said, not looking at him, staring ahead at the metal door of the elevator as it moved them upwards. It wasn’t entirely a lie to Garrus; She couldn’t feel anything at all, the death of her lover setting in as her new reality. Having had so little time with him...she felt robbed. Angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. Well, i’m here for you, Shepard. We all are.” Garrus said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. She didn’t need to say aloud what had happened for him to understand. Shepard couldn’t take the feeling of his hand on her shoulder though, a kindness that she felt she didn’t deserve, and she moved quickly away from his reach as the doors opened to her quarters. She slipped in and the doors quickly closed behind her before Garrus could think of an excuse for him to stay with her, to provide her some sort of company. Loneliness, he knew, was the true killer in these sorts of situations.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he sighed and got back in the elevator, knowing Shepard was entitled to some time alone. He took the elevator to the mess hall where he noticed James and Liara chatting at one of the tables. James waved him over as Liara took a sip of her coffee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” James asked. Garrus shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s gone. Shepard didn’t say much...just went to her quarters.” Garrus said, feeling defeated. They’d lost enough people over the years, Shepard didn’t deserve to have this keep happening over and over. And this time it was so much worse, because Shepard and Thane had been madly in love. The entire crew knew, of course, despite their best efforts to keep things quiet between them, having noticed all the tell tale signs; Walking closely, backs of their hands brushing against each others just-so, the way they moved fluidly with one another in combat, the glances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Liara, being the shadow broker for a while now, had known since the beginning of their relationship. She’d respected Shepard’s decision to pursue him, and had often given her friendly advice, always a good friend. To see Shepard so broken now, so alone, it hurt her, but she also knew Shepard needed time to herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah...to Thane, then. He was one of the best fighters, and was far too polite for an assassin.” Liara said, raising her cup of coffee. Garrus and James nodded, the mood grim at their friends far-too-early passing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James couldn’t help but feel terrible, knowing he had been one of the servicemen assigned to Shepard at the detention centre who had kept their letters from reaching one another for so many months. He had never met Thane, but he’d read enough of their letters and seen enough of the video messages to know that they loved each other more than anyone he’d seen, he was sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He always had an expiry date on him, but Kai Leng really cut it short.” James said, shaking his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What will Shepard do now, do you think?” James asked, looking between them. Garrus shrugged, but Liara put her cup down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She will mourn. Then she will be angry. That...is when we need to watch her most. She will need us, even if she is cruel at times. It is not easy to lose a lover...” Liara said, looking at them both with a grim understanding that could only be gained with age. Liara had triple the years on them, and they knew she spoke from a place of personal experience. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So we all agree then, we keep an eye on Shepard. For the time being.” James said. Garrus and Liara nodded in agreement. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw for drug mentions, grief, death--this chapter is skippable</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard was not coping well with the loss of Thane. Garrus could see it plainly on her; the hallow, dark-rimmed eyes, the slumped shoulders at strategy meetings, the wrinkled clothes she usually kept immaculately clean and well-pressed. It made him anxious, seeing his best friend spiraling in a way that he knew he couldn’t even snap her out of. He’d tried, over the last weeks, but Shepard seemed absolutely adamant in talking to no one about the deceased drell. Even Tali and Liara, who had both attempted on their own, had come up with a loss on how to approach the Commander as of late. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she wasn’t visibly exhausted, she was snappy; no errand or mission was completed fast enough for her, and when she was on the battlefield, she was more ruthless than Garrus had ever seen her. It had always been the commander who had tempered </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> rage, but now, he found himself on the opposite side during missions, having to pull her off an enemy more than once as she beat them to a pulp with her bare fists. No wonder half the galaxy was terrified of humans, he wondered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But looking at her now, Garrus knew she wasn’t getting better. He had spotted her, in the dead of night, wandering into Chakwas medical bay. He himself had been up doing some calibrations on the main battery guns, and had needed a quick coffee from the mess hall; he could see her talking with Chakwas behind the window, the two of them looking like they were arguing for a moment until Shepard put her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus couldn’t look away. He watched as Chakwas soothed her with a hand on her back before moving to her desk, coming back with a syringe full of something. She injected the commander, who promptly left the room as soon as she was free of the needle, leaving Chakwas standing in the aftermath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus called out to her as she left the medical bay. She stopped, looking surprised, and found the source of the voice, seeing Garrus sitting at the mess hall table with a cup of coffee. Her pupils were dilated, he noticed, and her eyes were glassy, and she swayed slightly. She waved, but left him without a word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus couldn’t help but shake the nasty feeling in his stomach. His curiosity got the better of him, leaving his coffee behind and walking to the medical bay. The doors slid open and Chakwas looked over her shoulder at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Vakarian, is there something I can do for you?” She asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you giving the commander?” He asked. He knew he sounded demanding, but when it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> commander at risk, he needed answers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, that’s not--” Chakwas began, but Garrus waved his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s a mess, Chakwas. What are you giving her? How can I help?” He asked, knowing he sounded desperate now. He just wanted Shepard to be safe, to be well again, to be his best friend. She hadn’t been herself in weeks, and the entire crew knew it. Chakwas looked at him carefully for a moment before collapsing into her chair with a sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Opiates, so she’ll sleep. The biotics make any other medication wear off too fast. She’s...not doing well though, Garrus. You’re her best friend, I think you’re the only one who can get through to her.” She said, rubbing her temples. Even Garrus, who wasn’t entirely well-versed on human affairs, knew that opiates were a risky drug--addictive as all hell, but powerful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus leaned against one of the beds, crossing his arms over his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried. Tali’s tried. Liara’s tried. We’re running out of options,” Garrus admitted, feeling defeated. “She’s a better fighter than ever, but she’s taking bigger risks that just aren’t like her. I don’t know how to get through to her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Keep trying,” Chakwas said sternly. “I can only talk her out of bad habits for so long. She needs you all. Don’t give up on her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could never.” Garrus said, no hint of a joke in his voice. He stared at her squarely, and she considered the turian a moment before she nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. She’ll be out cold for the next few hours. Maybe...see her when she’s up.” Chakwas urged. Garrus nodded, pushing off from the bed, a better understanding of Shepard’s current state of being haunting him now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She avoided Garrus. Shepard had no desire to talk with Garrus. Or Tali. Or Liara. Or anyone, for that matter. She avoided them all as best she could, only leaving her quarters when needed. Otherwise, she had every meal and report brought to her there, left at her door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So when she had to leave her quarters for a meeting, and came back to see Tali waiting for her on her couch, she was surprised. Tali had just been </span>
  <em>
    <span>at</span>
  </em>
  <span> the meeting. Then she realized she must have slipped out when Liara had stopped her to ask her a question about the upcoming mission. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard. Can we talk?” Tali asked, patting the couch seat beside her. Shepard had a sense of dread about her, but approached, nodding hesitantly. Shepard took a seat beside Tali, wringing her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, we’re...we’re all worried about you.” Tali offered gently. She took Shepard’s hand in hers, and Shepard minded herself with the feeling of Tali’s suit, staring down at it instead of looking at Tali. She was quiet, so Tali continued. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, I know how it hurts...losing my father was horrible. But your friends are here for you. Don’t avoid us.” Tali said firmly, squeezing Shepards hand. Shepard looked up at her, close to crying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try not to, Tali.” Shepard said quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. I’m going to hug you now, Shepard.” Tali nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Shepard smiled, wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes. Tali chuckled and embraced Shepard warmly, the two of them a bastion of friendship in a sea of sadness that seemed to threaten Shepard at every turn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard looked at Legion who sat in the seat across from her in the shuttle, staring at her. They had just found him aboard the dreadnought, a chance meeting that Shepard had been all too happy about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is...good, to see you, Commander.” Legion said, surprising Shepard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you knew when it was good to see one another.” Shepard said, raising an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seeing a friend after a time apart is often thought of fondly by many civilizations.” Legion said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, we’re friends?” She asked, tilting her head to the side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one would say so, yes.” Legion said plainly, copying her movement, tilting his glowing red eye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well...it’s good to see you too, Legion.” Shepard said, giving Legion the smallest of smiles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Commander, you are tired. Your vitals are not particularly strong. In fact, you seem weaker since I have last seen you.” Legion observed. Legion was so human-like in the way they tilted their headpiece, the movement of their gears and pieces sounding as background humms and whirrs. She was grateful it was just her and Legion in the hold area, the others lifted by another shuttle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...War takes it’s tolls on everyone.” Shepard said, wringing her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...This one has heard about the drell. Grief can manifest in many ways in humans, notably a lack of sleep, lack of appetite--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Legion. Please...just drop it.” Shepard gritted. Legion was silent for a moment before leaning over and placing their robotic hand on hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one is sorry, friend, for your loss.” they said. Shepard stared at their hand, then up into their glowing red eye, surprised by their gentle kindness. They were so </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so loving, even if they could not see all of it themselves, and she wondered how the quarians could have ever even contemplated shutting them off. She knew explaining that to Tali would be a nightmare, but she hoped she could come to see Legion as a friend like she did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Legion.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>When the door slid open, Garrus was hit with the stench of liquor. The second thing he noticed was the shower was running. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh...Shepard?” Garrus called out, stepping in and letting the doors close behind him. He’d been sent up to her quarters by Traynor to try and get her to answer her comm messages. He heard a groan come from the shower, and he looked to his right where it was located. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming in. You’d better not be naked and passed out--” Garrus started, but stopped when he pushed open the slightly ajar door to the washroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A bottle rolled against the tiled floor against the door as he opened it, and he sighed instantly, seeing Shepard her huddled in the shower, fully clothed, water pouring over her. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, her head resting on them and her dark hair was hung in wet curtains over her pale face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least you aren’t naked.” Garrus said. Shepard groaned, looking up as water hit her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Garrus? What...go away.” She mumbled, trying to make a move to get up from the floor. Garrus quickly turned the flow of water off and reached in to help her, but she slapped his hand away. The momentum of hitting him away though made her stumble forward, slipping on the wet floor. She would have smashed into the tiles if Garrus didn’t have a hold on her, supporting her out of the wet area. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay here. I’ll get you a change of clothes.” He said, throwing a towel from her towel rack at her. She took a seat on the toilet, the lid closed, drying her hair off as she mumbled something incoherently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus rummaged around in Shepards drawers for a moment before finding what he assumed were pajamas. She looked up at him when he entered the bathroom again, handing her the clothes. To Shepard, they weighed a billion pounds in her drunk hands, the vision of them spinning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think you can get those on?” Garrus asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t try anything now, Vakarian.” Shepard slurred. Garrus snorted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry commander, but have you seen yourself lately?” He jabbed, leaving the room and closing the door as she changed. She mumbled something on the other side of the door, but he didn’t look in, waiting for her at her desk. She pushed the washroom door open, in a pair of dark sweat pants and a black tank top, her white towel draped over her shoulders, and she swayed as she walked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want, anyways?” Shepard asked pointedly, hands on her hips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Garrus said, letting himself sound earnest. It was unlikely she would remember this tomorrow anyways--showing he cared wasn’t outside his realm of normal, either, as much as he and Shepard always liked to quip about the stronger species.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He watched as Shepard opened her mouth to say something to him a few times, until finally she let her face fall into her hands, her shoulders heaving. Her voice broke when she spoke between the tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Garrus I can’t do this anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was in his arms in a swift movement--he needed to comfort his friend. Seeing her in so much pain at the loss of Thane had broken his heart over and over again. Years of knowing one another, fighting through hell...he had never seen her this broken. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He said nothing, just soothing her with his talons in her hair, stroking it softly as she cried into his chest. She hiccuped a few times, both of them just staying there with one another for a time, letting Shepard cry through her sadness. When he felt her weakening against him, he lifted her beneath her legs, carrying her to her bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave me. I can’t stand being alone anymore.” Shepard sobbed as he draped her blankets over her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t leave. I’ll stay right here, Shepard.” He said, sitting on the edge of her bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For someone who had saved the galaxy ten times over already, Shepard was so...small. Curling into a ball on the large bed, hugging a pillow to her chest, she looked so broken that Garrus felt his heart go out to her. So much responsibility on one person, looking after the fate of the universe, he felt it must be impossible to bear in the first place...and then to lose your partner amidst it all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Garrus stayed with her like that, running his hands through her hair until he was sure she was asleep, her breathing steady and low, her green eyes closed to the world around her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quietly, he moved away from her, turning off the lights around her quarters and cleaning up the bottles he found lying about, placing them next to the door for the cleaning crew to retrieve. With one last glance at her sleeping form, a tiny mound on her bed, he closed the door behind him and left his commander to her rest.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They took turns with her for the next two weeks, Tali, Liara, James and Garrus, all having what they’d coined as ‘sleepovers’ in Shepard's quarters. Mostly, they would eat dinner, play cards, and do paperwork before nodding off to sleep. Nothing exciting, but it was good, Shepard would admit, to have companions around her, to help distract her from the terrible loneliness that crept up on her. It was good to be reminded that she still had people worth fighting for, people who needed her strong and rested.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, she got better. And finally, the day she managed to work up the courage to message Kolyat back about a memorial, was the day she told the others she wouldn’t need them to ‘sleep over’ anymore. They were still welcome to use her shower of course though.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sadness had been replaced with a firm, seething determination. Her fire of rage had been tempered into a slow burn of anger, and it lied low beneath the surface of her actions, using it to propel her onwards. Every mission was tinted with the anger she felt, just slightly, her kills precise and brutal, but she didn’t let it get out of hand. Shepard was back to herself, but just that much meaner to her enemies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To her, destroying the Reapers, and killing Kai Leng were the only two things she had to do to end all of this. Two things left, then she could see Thane beyond the sea.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard watched as Kai Leng crumpled to the floor at her feet, his shocked expression glued onto his face, splattered with his own blood. She could feel his last breath </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was for Thane, you dick.” Shepard cursed, spitting on his corpse in a move that even surprised her. But that hatred that boiled inside of her for Kai Leng was all consuming to her, up until the moment he died by her hand. Shepard took a stuttering breath, collecting herself to focus on her task at hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made her feel surprisingly hollow, having just killed Kai Leng, glancing at his bloody body on the floor next to her. She had hoped it would bring her some semblance of peace, but found herself with a gaping hole in her soul, missing Thane more than ever. Shepard could feel her will beginning to wane at the end of all of this, tired and lonely, the thought of her friends the only thing driving her forward. They were all she had left, and she wanted to give them the universe that they deserved, not one filled with fear and loss caused by the Reapers. One thing left to do, she thought to herself. One thing left, then she could see Thane beyond the sea.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later, sitting at the bar in the observation room alone, Shepard poured herself a finger of golden whiskey. She stared at the bottle, noting it was made on Earth, in England, studying the gold and black label. Quietly, she wondered if they were still around, the people who made the drink in her hand, and it brought a certain sadness to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard was quiet until she heard the door open. Behind her, James approached with his usual confident swagger. He slipped into the barstool seat across from Shepard, who stood behind the bar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha serving, Commander?” James asked. Shepard smirked; She’d always enjoyed James’ casual nature. He was a good guy to have a drink with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whiskey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well then.” He nodded, and Shepard poured him two fingers, setting the bottle aside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” He nodded, taking a sip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pleasure.” Shepard said, leaning against the counter as they drank quietly, watching the stars outside move across the galaxy with them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, heard you got Kai Leng.” James said, a statement more than a question, breaking the quiet between them. Of course news would be around the ship by now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Shepard said simply, letting the knife in her gut twist a bit more. James looked at her evenly, taking another sip of his whiskey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’d it feel?” He asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard hesitated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What could she say, without sounding crazy? It felt amazing? It felt like justice? At first, the hallowness of the act had left her numb, but two drinks in already and she was feeling content. A peace had taken over her as she had processed it. Revenge, as it sank in as her reality, felt...good. She stared at James, blinking, before downing the rest of her glass and pouring herself another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, it felt great.” Shepard said finally, leaning on the counter. If anyone could understand her, she thought James, a career military man, would. Revenge, sometimes, they both knew, felt like the best goddamn thing in the world. James downed his own glass and Shepard poured him another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. You’ll sleep like a baby tonight.” He said, holding his glass to cheers her. She did, the sound of their glasses clinking against one another as they took a drink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Shepard did indeed sleep through an entire night, for the first time in weeks.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The memorial service for Thane had finished hours ago, but Shepard couldn’t bring herself to move from her couch to clean the remaining champagne glasses. It had been an intimate affair, of course, but it had also left her feeling raw again, just when she thought she could finish her last mission in peace. Instead she replayed the videos that hadn’t reached her during her house arrest, treasuring the sound of Thane’s voice, clear and strong as he spoke to her of his life outside. He stood tall but relaxed as he spoke to her through the video, like it was another day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, she had to stop. She had cried all of her tears for the moment, and turned the glowing screen off. It was a comfort knowing though, that she would have them forever now, a way to keep his memory fresh in her mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pulling herself from the couch, she went to the small box of things that Kolyat had given to her, as instructed by Thane in his will, pulling it into her arms and heading to her room. Silly things, really, for the most part, but things that made her smile nonetheless. His notebook, filled with quick scrawls and coffee-stained pages. A set of pistols, his favourite, she knew; they had gone everywhere with him. A bracelet, silver and simple with an inscription which she realized, after reading his notebook, was Kolyat’s birthday. And his jacket. Between his jacket, and the prayer book that had been left to her, she didn’t know which was more important. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The jacket itself, she noticed as she set the box on her bed, taking it out to inspect, was quite worn. The leather had formed to his body, creased in all the right places for his ease, and she could admire the details in stitching in it. As she did, she breathed in, and noticed Thane’s scent, lingering on the jacket. She pressed it to her nose, breathing him in, cinnamon spice and clover overwhelming her. She suppressed the lump in her throat, carefully but quickly folding it and putting it back in the box. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The last thing she noticed was the book. Thane’s black prayer book he had kept on his person at all times, a lengthy tome, and printed, on paper, like a relic from another era. It was bound with a black leather cover, softened with age, an inscription in a language she couldn’t read on it’s cover. She opened it, and found an envelope there, sitting between the cover and first page.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was hand written, which was very like him, she mused, turning the envelope over in her hand. She recognized his handwriting instantly, her name written on the white envelope in a quick scrawl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard, who had received the items from Kolyat earlier, had been warned of the books existence but she still did not know if Kolyat knew of the letter or not. Either way, it was still sealed, staring up at her in her hands, her heart hammering. It had been so long since she had had a moment to herself. But the night before they were to land on Earth, she had been graced a few hours to sleep and say whatever prayers to whichever god she could think of. The Normandy was heading to the heart of the Reapers current efforts, and Shepard felt her mortality looming over her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She opened the envelope, the paper flowing over her fingers as she broke the seal. She pulled the white paper from the envelope, unfolding it to reveal his scrawl there, slanted, hurried text. She ran her fingers over the dry ink, thinking of him sitting in quiet, writing this. She took a shuttering breath, and read.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Siha, </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I write this with a heavy hand, knowing you will read this letter when I am no longer able to share my thoughts. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am dying, Siha.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Perhaps because of the differences between our species, I can hope that time will treat you with kindness and dim the hurt of my passing to faded recollections that a drell would forever remember with perfect clarity. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Selfishly, however, I could not leave this world without leaving a piece of me behind that would never fade. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I once accepted my fate. Nothing remained but a shell destined to die. I only had to choose the when and how of my passing. I had refused to be confined to a bed, gasping horribly as my life beeped away to machinery I had no use for. I thought of my Irikah, broken, bloodied, and betrayed by my absence. Of Kolyat, small and afraid, bravely pushing at his eyes to stem the flow of tears I had entrusted to him to cry...for both our sakes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The expectation to move swiftly to my end vanished upon uniting with your cause. You awoke me, Shepard. My heart quickened it’s sluggish beat if only to remain at your side and protect you with everything that I am. I was content to simply watch, take the time left given and praise all I know for allowing me to walk my final days with hope and certainty that I am worthy of more than my cold isolation, solely because you believed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will await you across the sea.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thane</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard, having been sitting on her bed, lie down on her side, drawing her knees in as she hugged the letter and prayer book to her chest, feeling the loneliness return. She felt herself crying for those that she had lost, and the path ahead, knowing it would end in death for many of her crew and kind, no matter how it turned out in the end. She cried for Thane, his time cut short by the cruel hand of fate. She cried for herself, her life given to a galaxy that could not see their Commander as she was now, broken and alone, lest they lose hope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, drifting to sleep after letting her tears stain her cheeks, Shepard thought of the gentle waves of a beach, overtaking her.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Earth was destroyed. The river Thames had been turned to a river of blood and bodies that floated down it daily, and the buildings had long since crumbled around them. Reapers loomed like long reaching hands, and grotesque creations of them roamed the streets between the rubble, seeking out whatever life forms they could. Total decimation was their goal, and to Shepard, they looked to be achieving it. It maddened her to look at it all, seeing what she had been fighting for for so long, turned to ashes, but she knew that was what the Reapers wanted. When they couldn’t stop them physically, they stopped them mentally, destroying any semblance of hope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But with Anderson, Garrus and Tali by her side, approaching the beam at a full run that would lead them to the Citadel, she felt a glimmer. They would make it. They had all lost their homeworlds at one point or another thanks to the Reapers, and they all knew what was at stake. One of them would make it; They had to. She had the protection of Thane’s gods. How could she lose? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they sprinted across no-mans land, Shepard saw a military truck being thrown at them from the right. Shepard managed to slide under it, but Kaiden and Garrus weren’t so lucky--it came down just as they got out of the way, but the debris from the following explosion was too close. It blasted Garrus back several feet, sending him flying through the air, then crashing to the ground. She could hear his leg snap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Garrus!” Shepard yelled, sprinting to him. She was quick, and managed to get to him, pulling him behind a large boulder of rubble to shield them from fire. Tali joined them quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get him out of here.” Shepard said over the noise of the battlefield, staring at Tali. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard--” He began, but Shepard was already calling Joker over her comm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Normandy I need evac now, Garrus is hurt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard. Don’t--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tali, take care of him.” Shepard said. Tali nodded as the Normandy hovered overhead. Shepard helped them up the ramp, looking at them both fondly, knowing it would likely be the last time she would see them. She turned, readying her gun, taking a breath and preparing to run back into the fray.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, goddamnit, listen to me.” Garrus said at last, frustration rising to the surface. Shepard, attention caught by his tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get yourself killed. Please.” He said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need you, Shepard.” Tali said, supporting Garrus. They both looked at her with pleading glances, but Shepard just smiled at them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get them out of here.” Shepard said, looking over their shoulder at the crew. The Normandy took off, and Shepard watched as the cargo door closed. Satisfaction set over her; they would be safe, for now, at least. And she could finish her mission. She could see Thane soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When a Reaper’s beam cut across her path though, Shepard blacked out. She didn’t remember tumbling through the air, nor landing on the hard ground, but she knew the feeling of a broken rib and smashed kneecap. She would have screamed upon waking at the pain, but she bit the inside of her mouth when she pulled herself to her feet. Her vision was blurred, dark at the edges, and she tried to breathe evenly, as Thane had taught her so long ago during meditation practices. Memories of Thane’s steady breath moved through her mind as she shot down a husk, timing her shots to the sound of his breath in her mind, even and steady. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then she was in the Citadel. She knew she was already blacking in and out, but seeing the bodies around her in the Citadel was still alarming to wake up to. They were piled, and Shepard had to clamber over them to make her way through it, an alarm sounding somewhere, the red emergency lights making the sight of all the blood even worse. Every bit of her ached, was in pain as she tried to contact Anderson, who had by some miracle, also made it up to the Citadel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She finally found him leaning over a control panel of some sort. He didn’t seem to hear her except when she finally called out, and he stumbled, turning to face her. He didn’t look much better off than she did, blood staining his uniform, scratches and dirt on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard was barely conscious as she watched him die before her. She felt her heart break when Anderson, always a father figure to her, died sitting next to her, fading away peacefully as they watched their work finish. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until Shepard heard her comm come in again. Just when she thought she could close her eyes and drift away, she was needed again. Cursing, she pulled herself to her feet, dragging her body across the room to the controls again. The Crucible wasn’t firing. They were still losing people. She couldn’t see the controls any longer though, everything too blurry in front of her to perceive. Her world went black. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>She awoke to find a hologram of some sort, walking from the light. When she focused, she could see that it was the little boy from her dreams that haunted her, always warning of the impending doom to come. But he spoke like he was old, thousands of years older than Shepard knew she could understand, but her choices, Shepard could understand. She could destroy the Reapers. Finally. The last thing. Half-delirious, she chose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when she did, when she shot the reactor and let the flames and debris consume her, let the technology throughout the galaxy be destroyed, she finally felt at rest, her memories flashing in her mind. She was tired. Her heart was heavy. She was lonely. But she had done what she had promised, and her friends...they would live. That was all she wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Thane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought of him as she felt her body being thrown, smashed and crushed in the crumbling Citadel. She thought of his gentle words and hands, how he had always brushed her hair behind her ear. She thought of his touch, strong but soft, dancing fingers across her skin. She thought of his voice, the subharmonics of it reverberating in his chest when he spoke. She let her thoughts consume her, letting go at long last as a white light consumed her. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Last chapter--thanks for reading. :^) I love comments btw, even if u tell me the story was shit. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Shepard regained a bit of consciousness, she became aware of the feeling of sand between her fingers as she wiggled them. Her toes, too, shifted sand beneath her. Opening her eyes, she could see a bright blue sky and she could hear water, the sound of it moving gently over rocks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sitting up, Shepard looked around her, confused. She touched her ribs, where they had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> sore, only moments ago, but found no pain. She felt where she knew a bullet had ripped through her arm earlier, but nothing. There was no pain, and as she took in her surroundings, her confusion only grew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was in the desert. She knew this desert. It was so familiar to her with it’s red-orange sands that stretched on for miles, a great canyon rising up out of the ground not far away where the tiny river flowed through. Shepard had been here before; she had been camping with her father. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard got to her feet slowly, taking it in. It smelled like Earth, and she breathed in, not having enjoyed her homeworld in far too long. It was undisturbed by Reapers, too, she marvelled, everything looking as she had last seen it - monoliths of stone rising from the ground, thirsty trees and plump cacti dotting the area with bits of brown grass near the river. She began to walk, finding her path easy despite the shifting sands alone the river shore, like someone else had walked it before her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard looked at the cacti that she passed by, and let her hands run over the canyon walls that she walked next to, enjoying the texture of the cool stone beneath her fingers. She weaved her way through the canyon, navigating it with a familiarity that was lodged deep in her soul, and found at last the tiniest of rivers that wound through the bottom of the canyon. Tiny patches of grass ran along it’s edge, water flowing lazily over the rocks and pebbles at the rivers bottom, and she could see a few critters running through the grass, a tiny mouse. She had no idea how she had gotten here, but she felt calm. At peace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Shepard stopped in her tracks when she saw a figure, standing by the river, looking out at the winding canyon path that followed the water. It was a familiar figure, with broad shoulders and straight posture, his hands folded behind his back. Shepard could barely get her voice out, his name unspoken by her since his death. It came out in a whisper of disbelief, barely allowing herself to hope.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Thane?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned at the sound of his voice, looking surprised. When he saw her though, his expression softened, and he strode towards her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Siha.” He said, taking her in his arms. He felt real, Shepard was stunned to find. He wasn’t another dream. Shepard still didn’t understand how it was happening, but she felt tears flowing down her face as sobs caught in her throat. She was holding him again, she could hear his heart beating and could feel the strength of him, revelling in his strong embrace. His hand found her hair, entangling there, holding her close. Neither of them could speak, but Thane was first to pull away from their hug, cupping her face and staring down at her before letting his lips meet hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kiss was like she remembered; slow and sweet, gentle but wanting. The yearning she had felt since his loss was filled, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back, pressing her body against his. The sounds around them carried on, a bird cawing overhead, the tiny river bubbling, but she didn’t care, letting herself get lost in the feeling of him. He tasted like she remembered, and his breathing was clear and even, his hands firm against her waist and in her hair. He kissed her like he was making up for lost time, eager, passionate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they stopped for a moment, catching their breath, Thane leaned his forehead against hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Siha, you must know…You have crossed the sea to reach me.” He said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m dead. Finally.” She said with a sigh. It was a relief, really. Thane chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we…In New Mexico? This wasn’t exactly the shore i’d been thinking of meeting you on.” She asked, not letting go of him, but glancing at their surroundings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I never told you but...I went with Kolyat, to Earth, while you were incarcerated.” He said. “This place you described so beautifully so long ago...I had to see it for myself. It seems we were destined to meet here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard smiled, kissing him again quickly. She was overjoyed that he had visited Earth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am so glad you got to see Earth. If we had lived, we would have lived here. It would have been so dry for you.” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...We can stay here. Now. If you wish.” Thane said, looking down at her seriously. Shepard felt excitement in the pit of her stomach. A ‘life’ with Thane, even if they were dead, was still a dream come true. But she could see something else there, in Thane’s eyes as he seemed to search her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...There’s something else.” Shepard said, holding him, studying him. She gripped his coat in fistfulls. She didn’t want to leave him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is not the end. Your soul is not ready to rest, yet, Siha. This isn’t...an afterlife. This is more of a...waiting room. It looks like New Mexico, because it was important to us both, a meeting spot for us recreated from our individual memory. I was given a choice when I came here. Stay, and wait for the one I love, or move on. But you...Your mission is not over.” He said quietly. Shepard felt an anger rise in her, and she had to step away from Thane, her fists clenched as she considered his words. She was angry, furious even, that she had to be making that choice--she had given everything to the galaxy. She deserved her rest, her death. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You mean, I have to go back.” She said, pursing her lips, her voice terse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. It’s your choice.” He said. He brushed a piece of dark hair behind her ear, and Shepard felt her anger dissipating at the familiar action. She leaned into his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know this?” She asked. He smiled knowingly, his thumb brushing over her cheek, feeling the softness of her skin he had missed so much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have been waiting a while, here. There are a few tricks you learn in this reality when you spend some time in it.” He said gently. It set in that he had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>waiting </span>
  </em>
  <span>here for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thane...you’ve been waiting all this time?” She asked, her heart breaking all over again as the realization of his words truly began to set in, her anger dissipating. She wanted him to be at peace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He said, like it was no big thing. Shepard sighed, putting her face in her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so tired, Thane. I want to rest. I want to be with you. You shouldn’t have to wait here.” She said. She felt Thane’s hand on her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If that is your choice, then we can go together.” He reassured her. He took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles with gentle lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where?” She asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am not sure.” He replied. “Onwards.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said...my mission isn’t over.” Shepard asked, tilting her head to the side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is not. You still have work to be done. Your friends are in danger.” Thane said. Even now, Shepard could feel something pulling at her from beyond, urging her back to the world of the living, a sense of duty looming. She resisted it though, holding onto Thane’s hand. She felt tears fall down her face, and they hit their hands that were entwined. She felt Thane’s thumb brush her tears away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will wait an eternity for you, Shepard. And when you are ready, you will come to me here again and we will be together.” He said, his voice low as his other hand gripped her waist. She tilted her head upwards and his lips met hers, her taste sweet as he hummed gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know I have to go,” She said, pulling from his kiss, but keeping his forehead pressed against hers. “I can feel it, pulling at me, but that doesn’t make it easier. You deserve to move on, Thane, to rest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will, when you meet me here.” He said stubbornly. Thane was annoyingly persistent at times. She knew when there was no changing his mind. Instead, she kissed Thane again, feeling his skin beneath her fingertips, his body pressed against hers. He whispered quiet ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span> I love you’’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>into her lips and she breathed him in, never wanting to leave his arms. As they kissed, Shepard could feel the sunlight pouring down on her, the dry heat of the desert penetrating her suit. The light reflected off the armour plate on her glove, and suddenly Shepard’s world was a bright white light, blinding her, Thane disappearing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next thing Shepard knew was pain, searing into her sides, waking her from the blinding light. She gasped, her green pupils snapping wide as rubble and metal debris shifted off her suit with her movement. She lay there a moment, feeling heavy debris on her aching legs and chest, just breathing, getting used to the feeling of her body again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard was alive.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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